Friday, May 05, 2006

On the History of Beer:

As I close in on my pre-summer weight loss goal, I find myself again thinking of beer...something I have not consumed any of since my trip to California back in mid-January. Anyway, with that in mind, the following is a history written by someone else. And though I obviously take issue with some of what they say{1}; nonetheless, this chronicling is hilarious and I felt like blogging it so here goes...

---- For centuries humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter-gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of the wheel and the invention of beer. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQs and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and the concept of democratic voting to
decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, Air Force pilots, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide how to redistribute the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in later, after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history and anthropology:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.

This thread was originally posted to Rerum Novarum on April 24, 2006. -ISM]


{1} Particularly the notion that conservatives drink domestic beer and that beer should be drunk out of a can. I explain the correct understanding of these notions (and other beer-related ones) HERE and am not about to reiterate them anew at this time.


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

When Money And "Stuff" Come Before Family

When Money and "Stuff" Come Before Family

This is a follow up to the piece I posted below: The Culture of Selishness Must Die

While this is specifically about Britain, the same patterns are clear enough in the rest of the West as well...


From the BBC:

Britons 'put fun before babies'

Britain's falling birth rate is being fuelled by a generation who would rather have fun and live comfortably than have children. The poll of 1,006 adults for the Guardian also suggested potential parents were forced to delay family life by career pressures.
Half of the adults quizzed said they found it increasingly difficult to find someone to have a family with.

It comes as French research suggests men's fertility fades after 40.
The data is absolutely clear that once women get to 35 their chances of conceiving fall dramatically. Allan Pacey British Fertility Society IVF experts looked at conception rates in nearly 2,000 couples at fertility clinics across France. They found a woman under 30 was 25% less likely to conceive if her partner was 40 or older than if he was of a similar age.
Writing in the journal Fertility and Sterility, they concluded that men's fertility declines after the age of 40, just as women's fertility does after 35.

The Guardian poll suggested that those quizzed were aware of women's declining fertility, but that they had to balance financial and work pressures against this.
However, most men (64%) and most women (51%) said it was more important for women to enjoy themselves than have children. A majority also said they believed doing well at work and earning money can count for more than bringing up children.


Children teach you something that no other life experience can Sally, Exeter
And only around a third of women believe people put children ahead of their careers.
When asked why the birth rate in Britain was low, people pointed to the cost of living and difficulty of combining work and family life. Among both men and women, two thirds say career pressures make it harder to bring up children.

While more than half said the cost of child rearing was a deterrent. Some 48% of people also blamed other social pressures such as less couples staying together than in the past.
While 37% thought that many people now leave it too late and miss the chance to have children.


Fertility experts have repeatedly warned women not to wait until their fertility declines to have children. But over the last 20 years pregnancies in women over 35 have risen markedly and the average age of mothers is continuing to rise. Some experts claim infertility will double across Europe within the next decade.

A spokeswoman for the Family Planning Association said things had changed both for women and men, with more choices and opportunities open to both. "There are more things you can do in life, such as going off travelling and going to university. "But it's actually quite a responsible thing to do, to wait until you are financially secure before having a family so that you can provide for your children."

Allan Pacey, secretary of the British Fertility Society and senior lecturer in Andrology at the University of Sheffield, said life was all about having fun and fertility experts did not want to spoil that, but he added that it was impossible to escape biology.
He said: "The data is absolutely clear that once women get to 35 their chances of conceiving fall dramatically. IVF doesn't necessarily work.

"There is also mounting evidence that men should be worried as well as this French research shows that when men go over 40 they are about half as fertile as men aged about 25."

Story from BBC NEWS:

Published: 2006/05/02 11:37:56 GMT